The past year has bought many changes to my life-opportunities for reflection. My only child left the nest and my husband's job responsibilities changed. I, too, decided to make a change and stepped out of the endoscopy nursing "box."

My decision came after pondering the changes in the role of the registered nurse (RN) over the past 20 years. Instead of providing care, medications, and education to endoscopy patients (in addition to technical assistance during procedures), I felt as though my role as an RN had evolved into one of "move 'em in and move 'em out." I tried for over one year to change my practice to accommodate these changes, yet found myself frustrated as the emphasis became quantity.

During this struggle, the opportunity to step out of the traditional endoscopy RN role presented itself. It was a move to sales. My family and I thoroughly discussed all of the aspects of the role change: financial ramifications, traveling, and no more scrubs (yikes-real clothes!!). My son asked the most appropriate question of all, "Mom, aren't you going to miss the patients?" I had briefly stepped away from endoscopy nursing into management years before. And, yes, I had missed the direct patient contact. I thought it was time to step away and leave the direct patient care to younger, fresher souls. So I bravely entered into the business realm. My boss was superb, reviewing equipment specifications of the products and existing account histories and needs. He was very supportive and encouraging.

Many of my endoscopy colleagues were now my customers. I thought, "This is easy; I already know many of these managers." Buying group contracts, decisions made by purchasing (not department managers), and the small size of our company created obstacles, however, to sales. I was more often contacted for staff training and education assistance than equipment sales. My frustration grew as I traveled more, many times driving 2 to 3 hours one way. On the long drives and quiet evenings alone at home, I pondered-"What was my purpose? What would be my legacy?"

I sat down and made a list of "what made my ears wiggle." The list included challenging endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP), teaching the newly diagnosed Crohn's patient, holding the hand of a terminally ill patient, and teaching a new assistant how to operate a snare. This list clarified what my heart sorely missed. My purpose was not behind a desk and my legacy was not in a sales report. I am a nurse who thrives on caring for patients and passing on my love for gastroenterology and endoscopy nursing to fellow nurses and associates.

Once this was clear, I thanked my sales mentor and moved back to the acute care endoscopy setting. Being on call is now no problem. Holidays at work are not such a big deal. I am blessed to work with a group of nurses who want to provide the very best care and technical assistance during all phases of the endoscopy patient experience. I see myself as a leader, quietly in the trenches setting an example for quality care, continuing to perfect my own skills.

Some may say I returned to the bedside to get back into my comfort zone. Yes, I am back in my comfort zone; but as I put on my scrubs early in the morning, I smile. I am a nurse and I am right back where I need to be.