Racial reckoning: I am exhausted

Source:

Nursing Management

April 2023, Volume :54 Number 4 , page 6 - 7 [Free]

Authors

Williams, Sheena S. DNP, RN, CV-BC, NPD-BC

Article Content

Editor's note: In the December 2022 issue of Nursing Management, Editor-in-Chief Dr. Rosanne Raso and Editorial Board member Dr. Rhonda Foster wrote companion editorials on the American Nurses Association (ANA) Racial Reckoning Statement, which inspired Dr. Williams to share her personal experience with us. Let's continue the conversation. Email [email protected] with stories, strategies, and solutions for advancing diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging in nursing.

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Yes, the American Nurses Association has made a statement of apology. Yes, many organizations are checking the box and developing diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) councils. However, I am exhausted. Are these actions for optics or are we really taking a deep dive into change?

As a nurse leader of color, I've been subjected to and still experience microaggressions and explicit racism from my peers. From staff nurse to leader, my patients and colleagues have been so cruel and demeaning throughout the years that it has impacted my sense of well-being. Time and time again, I've had to explain my credentials to senior leadership, fellow nurses, patients, and families. I am exhausted.

Let me give you an idea of my journey as a nurse. A few weeks after accepting a position as a nurse educator, the vice president called me into the office for a meeting. I was grilled about what high school I went to and where I obtained my Master of Science in Nursing degree. I was asked what I had and did that was "better" than staff because they wouldn't respect me if it wasn't evident. Last, I was asked if I was certified in my specialty. All of this when I'd been in the role for weeks. Was I being interviewed again?

I wondered if nurses in my role who weren't of color experienced the same meeting? When I asked my colleagues this question, the answer was no. Why was this happening to me? My colleagues felt that what I was going through was racist and they reported it to senior leadership. I never received an apology, and nothing was ever done.

As a staff nurse, my patients called me names; my White peers felt bad for me and would report that patients were being racist toward me. The nursing supervisor would come down and talk with the patients, then come out of the room and say, "They aren't being racist," and insinuate that I needed to apologize to the patient!

As a nurse of color, I am exhausted from having to do so much more than others to be perceived as half as good. I am exhausted from having to educate my oppressor with regards to implicit bias and why their actions are offensive. When I look at DEI teams, I see folks who mostly look like me. Why aren't others on these committees so that the message being delivered can be taught by someone who looks like "them"? When I speak, I'm seen as the angry Black nurse leader despite remaining calm and articulate. I'm said to be "prim and proper," and not in a positive way. I am exhausted.

I embarked on the journey of becoming a nurse to care for others and the public. To educate and mentor new nurses and the new generation. Meanwhile, I've found that most of my career has been spent defending myself to my patients that yes, I am qualified to care for them; and to my peers that yes, I'm a nurse just like them.

If we really want to reconcile, everyone needs to stand up and "walk the walk"; not just nurses of color but White nurses as well. Checking a box and hiring those of color isn't enough. It means nothing when we hire those from diverse backgrounds and treat them with disrespect.

Nurse leaders, I call you to action! Look within yourself and reflect on your own internal bias. How do you treat and interact with your peers of color? How do you treat your staff of color? The time for change is now, and it's well overdue.