I was reading a quote the other day by Lolly Daskal, which said,
We don't meet people by accident. Every person you meet will have a role in your life, be it big or small. Some will help you grow, some will hurt you, some will inspire you to do better. At the same time, you are playing some role in their lives as well know that paths cross for a reason and treat people with significance.
After reading the quote, I immediately thought about my mentor, Susan.
Susan's background was in oncology as a clinical nurse specialist. She has a doctorate in nursing science. She is well versed in research methods and statistics. She is actively engaged in professional nursing societies and memberships. She is a published author and an excellent presenter at the state, national, and international levels. She has worked and held leadership positions in healthcare at the bedside, in administration, and in academics in nursing and in allied health programs. To me, she is the whole enchilada, the smartest person in the room. Her lived experiences, reflective wisdom, and knowledge are pearls that she wears wherever she goes.
You know the phrase, "To know you is to love you." Well, that sums up my relationship with Susan. My first impression of Susan was a negative one. To be honest, she scared me. Susan has a strong, independent personality. Her communication style is direct and matter of fact. In the work setting, she likes to get to the heart of a problem quickly, so she isn't much on fluffy chitchat. Because my personality is more relational and extroverted, I thought Susan was unapproachable. Which was not true.
I got to know Susan on a personal level in a chance encounter. Susan was assigned to facilitate a session with the Magnet surveyor on evidence best practice and research for our hospital. I was assigned as the meeting champion. We both went to the room early to set up the space and we just began to talk about nonwork stuff. I asked Susan where she was from and one question and answer led to the next. We had an uninterrupted conversation for about an hour and a half. I learned a lot of things about Susan as a person and as a nurse that inspired me and helped me see a glimpse of who she was. I found her to be the most authentic person.
It wasn't long after that I asked Susan if she would help me on a research project I wanted to conduct on orthopaedics comparing two pain methods in knee arthroplasty patients. She scheduled periodic meetings and blocked time for our sessions. Susan set clear expectations for the project. I'll never forget the moment I felt Susan had become my mentor. Susan told me, "Now Charla. I will work as hard as you do, but I am not going to work harder than you. If you stop, I stop. You understand?" Oh, my goodness. I was so excited because I knew Susan was a straight shooter, and she had committed to sticking with me through the end. Susan was integral to the success of the study and provided guidance on each step of the clinical inquiry from inception to dissemination and publication. I have been under Susan's wing ever since.
As a mentor, Dr. Susan Steele Moses has been a great sounding board for me. We periodically meet for lunch to chat about life, nursing, and what's next on the horizon. She listens and provides honest and objective feedback. She thinks about me when she hears an opportunity for growth and encourages me to take leaps of faith. She is just a text away. She also reminds me to pay it forward and expects me to be someone significant to others.
I asked Susan to share three insights about the mentor-mentee relationship:
1. Mentors are chosen; they are not assigned. You need to pick people to mentor you in areas you know you need to improve in. Pick someone who will be honest with you. The moment you choose a mentor is so significant you will always remember it.
2. Meet your mentee where they are and help them get where they want to go. As a mentor you need to know when to push and when to pull. You push the mentee forward when you know they can do it and you do not see them moving toward their goal. You pull the mentee across the finish line when you know they lack certain skills and need your expertise to help them reach their goal.
3. Realize when your mentee needs to move on or that they may need more than one mentor. As a mentee, you may have many mentors in your career. You may have a person mentor, a research mentor, a writing mentor, a professional mentor. Different kinds of mentors to meet different needs. Just look for your person.
In closing, invest your gifts and talents in someone when the opportunity presents itself. The mentor-mentee relationship can be rewarding. There is a sense of pride that comes from watching your mentee grow professionally. If you are looking for a mentor, be open to who your person could be. My mentor's area of nursing specialty was not in orthopaedics and we connected in a chance encounter. The secret sauce in our mentor-mentee relationship is authenticity.