I've just spent 2 weeks caring for my husband who had major surgery.

I am a personal caregiver

I am exhausted.

My experience is just like the caregivers you see every day. I imagine it's also like your personal experiences as a professional nurse and personal caregiver to your loved ones. I've been constantly reminded during this time of the essential core of caring-you can't rush patient care since the patient's emotional and physical condition determines the time you take.

Before you say, "Men[horizontal ellipsis]they're all babies when they get sick," that's not true with Fred. He's a pretty independent guy-having lived with me for almost 20 years he'd have to be!! But he and I are no different than any patient and family. Fred was diagnosed with kidney cancer the day after we returned from Paris, France, for his brother's funeral. We bounced between physicians to determine before surgery if there was any metastasis from the kidney cancer and if there was any bone metastasis from the prostate cancer that was removed 9 years before.

Thankfully the cancer was small and encapsulated, only a part of his kidney was removed and, as a bonus, he had an inguinal hernia repaired in the same operation. I'm waiting for the thank you note from the insurance company. Using a PCA pump with morphine for 3 days post-op made recovery easier but when home, the residual effects of the anesthesia and the morphine left him unable to sleep, confused at times, depressed, and just plain whiney.

Being supportive and present with him while caring for our son, the house, the dogs (one on meds for tracheal bronchitis), coordinating calls from concerned friends and family, as well as working on the journal kept me at a perpetual high stress level. I am thankful for many things. That Fred's cancer was totally removed, that my brother-in-law lived for over 2 years after his pancreatic cancer diagnosis and that during all this we had our second healthy grandchild. Even so, I'm still physically tired and emotionally worn out.

These human experiences help me and you empathize with our patients and families. I am also reminded of the productivity and time management pressures professional staff increasingly encounter. Even the most time-efficient clinician can only move as fast as the patient's health status and emotional situation allow. We also have to understand how we feel about the situations we and our patients are experiencing.

The feelings of love, fear, anger, frustration, and joy I've felt during this time have been reluctantly welcomed. I share these with you in the hope that you pause and remember your own personal experiences.

Financial Managers and Administrators-remember these feelings when calculating budget productivity.

Clinical Managers-consider these feelings while supporting the comprehensive and compassionate care your clinicians provide.

Clinicians-assess your patient and families exhaustion when rushing to teach everything in the first few visits.

Considering these feelings is not a time waster, but a time saver in the long run and the essential care you and I want to receive.