MAYDAY! MAYDAY!! Donny T and the Trumpettes Go Ballistic Over Cory's Nukelear ArmGrab! No Bruise Detected by The Trumper's Hall of Fame Medical Team Trump! Teddy Cruzzz and the Miss-iles Fire Back With Laquered Aggie Cow Paddies! Burnie and the Flames Singe the Trumpettes with VermontMapleBaconPepperSpray! Hill-rey and the Razor-ettes Caught in Crossfire and Go Up in Smoke! Razor-ettes Kicked Out of 3 LittleRock ERs Cause ObamaWamaCareCards Vaped by SnipChat App! Cards Self-Vaporize If Not Used in 30Seconds! UberrAmbulance Refuses Razor-ette Transport Due to Frauddy BitKoins! Burnie on Fire! Hit by RedHot Cruzz CowPaddie Made in Mexico by Illegals! Cory Patents Trump Baby Wrist Grab and Appears on Univision PeliculaFlix SharkNada to CrowdFund BabyGrabber! Donny T Sues BabyGrabberInc and Nails Cory for Financial Assault and Battery of Campaign PiggyBank!
"Another Ripoff of Trumper Brand by Guy Born in Cuba to Canadian Illegals Trying to Masquerade as Trumper Campaign Chief," as related by Donny to TMZebraTV. "He's a Loser and Did Nada for The Trumper Campaign Except Create a Runaway Bagel Fund to buy every Abe, Babe, and Mario in Miami a daily dozen of fresh lox on ryes. I hope he's deported soon back to his country of origin to start serving hard time for batterying that poor woman's arm."
Violence of any kind toward the female gender-and of course I refer to the XX version of our nation's finest source of future Trumpettes-makes me want to puke! Just the other night I got a horrible nosebleed dreaming about using pepper spray, verbal bad words, or dissing the employability of any woman who plays hardball on national TV. I woke up so outraged I almost wet my new creamy satin sheets-talk about a close call!
So how does your humble baby doctor know so much inside info about Donny T and his Radyo City Trumpettes? Well, first and foremost, DT needed a palatial location to relocate Melanka and the kids that had easy copter access but could be totally out of reach from any terrorist drone or spud-gun stealth attacks. Plus, Donny quickly figured out that his core group of totally mindless, we'll hoot and yell loudly for ANYthang you say supporters came from open-carry truthers who lived in deliriously decadent Double-Wides. I kid you not-yours truly is now a password-protected, card-carrying member of Los Lagos de DW Trump. Of course, ole Donny T appointed himself Chief Executive of his new DW home estates and has annexed The Compound Medical Team to serve as the model for TrumpCare-his new health plan, which he says will only accept healthy "winners" with beautiful teeth and impeccable BMIs that wreak of gluten-free, probiotic-loaded intestinal tracts.
I'm very big on intestinal integrity which does not give foreign, unAmerican bacteria a chance in hell to establish any little toehold in my large or small intestinal parts. We will be the healthiest country in world history within 6 months of the start of my admittedly imperial presidency.
Donny T has given The Compound Medical Team 3 months to come up with a meaningful, no-loser health plan that starts with babies who have great, ruddy complexions that "wreak of top-notch, organic breast food." To assure that we do not "wuss" out on our Hippocrittic duty to meet Trump quality metrics, Donny T has moved the whole Medical Team into Los Lagos. And MelankaT is in charge of making sure we perform to the max. She is not a happy Trumper, so she has "spilled the beans" about The DT-DW Blitz to the Top. She whines about Donny's 2 little boys-DTjr and ET-spending all their time "playing GrandTheft Auto while I have to deal with Corey Blendowski trashing the whole Double-Wide when he has to pick up his empty RedBulls."
When I ask Mrs T how we can fix the whole health care system in 3 months, she threw a little hissy that ended up asking if I was a Jade Helm Commando masquerading as a baby doctor. She quickly has Corey B eject me from Los Lagos after telling me I would be asked to prove my name, NRA membership, and ability to perform and dance outrageously as a Trumpette before I could resume my position on The Compound Medical Team.
And yes I asked the question: Why is Corey B still living in the luxurious Trump Double-Wide and when was he going to let go of my arm??
Donald could care less about Corey the campaign manager. But Corey the Ninja pantry protector will never get fired. He makes sure the Trump hellions-DTjr and ET-do not make any midnight raids on Donny's private cereal collection: Captain Crunch, Extreme Creme Oreos, Count Chocula, and Fruit Loops. Donald told the boys point-blank: take my millions, take my casinos, but touch my Captain Crunch and Corey will knock you out with one Brazilian shitzu kick to your gut-Pow! Pow!
"What if I can't dance?"
"That would be an official Trump YP"
"YP?"
"Your problem, Doctor. Your problem. Health care. Illegals with no green cards. Doctors who can't dance. We do have limits."