With an aim to challenge the contention that most children of divorce will be irreparably hurt by their parents' divorce, Children of Divorce is a book based on testimonies of people whose parents divorced when they were in various ages and stages of childhood. The effects of such a divorce on children include feelings of abandonment, terror, and loneliness that lead to early sexual activity and experimentation with drugs or alcohol. However, in addition to the often negative effects of the divorce experience, there can be strength, willpower, resilience, hope, and growth. Many children and youth whose parents divorce have to accept parentification, a condition of having to take on parental duties such as working with siblings in parent-like roles.

While the stigma of divorce is decreasing due to the large numbers of people who divorce, there is also a move away from overidealization of marriage and family to more of pragmatism. Young educated adults are gradually rejecting the 1950s idyllic picture of the (American) family. And, such a pragmatic perspective about relationships and family seems to be another mark of their growing maturity about the experience of divorce. Many young men and women are preparing themselves by getting a college education that may give them a good career should their marriage end in divorce. These young adults are thus immunizing themselves in some measure from financial hardships that might occur should their marriages end in divorce.

Now that I have read this wonderful book, it makes me reflect on my life as a child of separation, not that of divorce because in marriage and in parting, my mother and father never involved legal arms such as courts. My mother was a second wife, and she blamed much of her misery on my father. We lived in abject poverty, although my father had land that was not available to my mother and her children because of opposition from my father's first wife.

I learned many lessons about life as a result of being a child of separated parents. Interestingly, many of the lessons that I learned were more positive than negative. Some of these lessons are that I decided that I will not live as my parents lived, resolving to lead a better life, that I will never have a second wife, and that I will never divorce. By all standards, I am not rich, but I never lack food for my family.

Indeed, the authors stated goal in the book is to enhance both understanding of and compassion for children of divorce and of parents who strive to make the child's welfare the highest priority in their post-divorce life. The book is a practical guide not only for children of divorce but for their parents too. The book can be used for counseling families; it also encourages counselors to show compassion toward couples and children of divorce.

Moses Kibe Kihiko is a counselor and a trainer, as well as an author and the CEO of Practicum Leadership, a training and consulting firm. His book, Public Leadership: The Ten Defining Moments How Leaders Acquire & Handle Fame, Power & Glory, can be found at http://www.miraclairebooks.com. His next book will be about courtship and titled, Mending the Broken Hearts.

-Moses Kibe Kihiko, MLS

CEO

Practicum Leadership

Ongata Rongai, Kenya ([email protected])