The Caregiver's Tao te Ching: Compassionate Caring for Your Loved Ones and Yourself by William and Nancy Martin. Novato, CA: New World Library; 2011. paperback; $14.00.

The purpose of the book is to describe a caregiver's compassionate care for their loved ones as well as for themselves by using Tao Te Ching principles. The authors say that the first step in caregiving is to let go of our ideas about what it means to be a helpful, compassionate caregiver since these mental images set standards that easily lead to disappointment, frustration, and self-doubt. Although we care for our loved ones with an intention of adding to their comfort and lessening their pain, Tao says that you cannot give a person happiness without sadness, comfort without pain, gain without loss, or life without death. In striving, we become exhausted; ceasing to strive, we find astonishing energy. And, to accept what is happening in this moment, this situation, this season of life, does not require us to like it. The tasks of caregiving can distract us from the joy that endures even in the most difficult situations. Indeed, providing care pushes us into situations we would usually avoid.

On Tao, although we might have thought that we were not ready for this role of caregiving, the wisdom of Tao has brought us to it. Part of being in the Tao as caregivers is letting go of the dramas of the mind so that life can flow through. We can even recognize our connection to the peace, power, and eternal guidance of the Tao. These connections reside in our heart and flow freely as we recognize that all of life is available to us. Each interaction brings a new taste of how the Tao manifests itself in limitless ways. We are here to honor who they have always been: an amazing expression of the Tao. The Tao mind recognizes the subtleties of blending effort with ease and attentiveness with trust. We are free to gently accept what is happening now. This is our reward for living in harmony with the Tao.

Although I have a lot to learn about Tao, this book is soothing and comforting for caregivers. It can be used by all caregivers as a companion and for compassion. The struggles and emotional effort needed by caregivers is considerable. The emotional bank or tank is daily depleted by the cares of the sick. One finds that he or she cannot offer anything, or anything tangible. One needs such a book on his or her side, to receive refreshment and renewal.

It is a comfort to have soothing words in the times the world is so rough, a roadmap to the unknown. Caregivers should take comfort in such a book.

-Moses Kibe Kihiko

CEO of Practicum Leadership

[email protected].