The Art of Dying Salli Rasberry and Carole Watanabe

Ten Speed Press/Celestial Arts Publishing

PO Box 7123

Berkeley, CA 94707

Tele: 510-559-1600

E-mail: [email protected]

Web: http://www.tenspeed.com Price: $14.95

The Art of Dying: Honoring and Celebrating Life's Passages is a practical and spiritual guide to living life more fully and including death as part of the celebration of life. The authors' intent in writing this book is to demystify the fear of death and to promote a discussion of death along with other life passages. The book is intended for the public and offers suggestions for a meaningful farewell and death.

The book is divided into 8 chapters addressing life changes, spiritual legacies, ceremonies for death and rituals, taking charge of your farewell, caring for dying persons, saying good-bye, and transforming fear into passion. The chapters include case discussions, poems, and examples of approaches that range from traditional to nontraditional. One of the strengths of the book is the variety of examples that are discussed to take charge of death. Some readers may find several of the examples helpful and meaningful. Clearly not all the examples would meet the needs of all readers.

Chapter 1 discusses life changes and the ultimate change of death. Change is a part of life and it is our experience with change and growth that allows us to face the ultimate change of death. The authors present a number of tools to help people cope with changes. Journaling, art, personal shrines, and music are some of the tools discussed. Shrines are something most of us have, but we may not call it by that name. For example, a personal shrine may be a picture of a family member with candles that are lit on special occasions.

Chapter 2 addresses practical issues of planning your estate, writing a will, and choosing an executor. The importance of making clear what your intentions are is well illustrated with case examples. The discussion of leaving a spiritual legacy is very good and includes several suggestions, such as making a videotape of a day in your life, creating a remembrance book, and writing individual letters to family.

Chapters 3, 4, and 5 discuss ceremonies for death, rituals, and how to take charge of your own farewell. Planning a funeral or memorial service helps the person who dies by giving them some sense of what will happen afterward and provides comfort to the living. Our society tends to de-emphasize rituals, and for many ceremonies around death have become commercial and lack meaning. It is important to plan rituals ahead of time. Practical steps to creating memorial rituals are included in the appendix. The individual stories presented in chapter 4 are good examples of meaningful rituals. The chapter begins with an inspiring Native American prayer. Helpful suggestions are presented to assist others with grieving as well as expressions that should be avoided. (For example, avoid saying, "I know how you are feeling.")

The focus of chapter 5 is planning your farewell. Important questions are raised for consideration, such as, "What matters the most?" and "What values do you want to pass on or acknowledge?" Suggestions for making the ritual meaningful and appropriate include planning a coffin garden, writing your epitaph, making your coffin, and disposing of your ashes. The chapter concludes with some very practical questions to ask yourself: Do you want to wear special clothes? What stories or music do you want included in the service? and What is the feeling you want to create?

Chapter 6 presents stories about home funerals. When someone dies in our culture a funeral director is called to prepare the body, but in other cultures family members are actively engaged in preparing for the funeral. Several stories are presented of families planning the funeral, preparing the body, and participating in the service. This is an area that may be difficult for many people and it is important to respect their individual choices. The resource section provides information on regulations for home funerals.

The importance of saying good-bye is discussed in chapter 7. A visualization exercise is presented that may be used if someone did not get a chance to say good-bye. The chapter stresses that it is never too late to forgive yourself or others. This is an area where many individuals may experience guilt or anger. One of the strengths of the chapter is the discussion of reframing memories and reaching closure.

The final chapter, "Creating Fear Into Passion," emphasizes that creating passion in your life is the best gift you can give yourself. Death in our society has become painful because we do not talk about it or acknowledge it. The authors suggest that by turning the fear of death into a passion for life we can help change the culture and create a more peaceful and loving world.

The book contains a number of resources that are helpful to readers seeking additional information. Organizations, self help groups, books, and video are included in the resource section.

The Art of Dying: Honoring and Celebrating Life's Passages address a difficult topic in our society. The authors present practical suggestions for taking charge of death and planning your farewell. It is a useful book to recommend to students, colleagues, and the public.